The Invincible M.A.E.


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Jack Johnson
harleymae

Victor!

Joe Thornton hit a bunch of milestones on the Sharks' recent road trip: 1000 games, 1000 points and 700 assists. There was a pre-game ceremony for 1000 games where the players presented him with... A WOOLLY MAMMOTH TUSK.



Apparently they used it as some kind of lucky charm to come back twice from two-goal deficits against the Penguins.

"I think after the first, everybody touched it and it kind of gave us some luck," said captain Joe Thornton of the odd gift he received from his teammates in pregame ceremonies to recognize his 1,000th game in the NHL, played on the team's recent trip.
Just to clarify, he's talking about the tusk here. Except that he apparently just made that up. :P From the Working the Corners blog:

Inquisitive minds that we are in the media, there was continuing interest in that woolly mammoth tusk that Joe Thornton received from his teammates for reaching the 1,000-goal milestone.

“I just like odd things and I think that’s one of the more rare and oddest things you can choose,” Thornton said, adding that Patrick Marleau came up with the idea. “When I heard I got it, it was just like ‘wow.’ What can you say? It’s something neat and it’s going to be a discussion piece.”

Thornton admitted he was joking when he said his teammates touched the tusk for good luck between the first and second periods, but that maybe the tusk would stick around the room since the Sharks did turn the game around in their favor.

(Note: OK, I used that fabricated moment in the print-edition story. No apologies, though. If player and coaches had to pass a polygraph test before we could use post-game quotes, I’m guessing we might have nothing left to print some games. Anyway, now we’ve set the record straight.)

Asked what other odd stuff he had in his collection, Thornton cited a copy of a Doors album signed by everyone in the band, including Jim Morrison.

“That’s kind of rare, too,” he said of the gift from his wife.

Marleau said they opted for the tusk because they knew of the captain’s interest in history (Wait a minute, isn’t the woolly mammoth technically pre-historic?) and because it fit in their price range.

A quick online check shows that tusks that appear to be the size of the one given to Thornton range in price from $899 to $8,995 – and I won’t pretend to have a clue about quality when it comes to woolly mammoth tusks. Guess all that makes it hard to say how much his buddies decided to spend for Thornton’s gift.


Trust PATTY to come up with something that weird because he's an oddball himself. But there is a basis for this though! RudyKelly wrote an entire article (okay, half an article) about this 2 years ago. Basically the Sharks went to the Smithsonian and Joe said, "I'm a woolly mammoth guy."

... yeah. RudyKelly sums up my reaction perfectly.

Jesus Christ, Joe, you make it too easy. First off, the idea that Joe Thornton loves things that are big, thick and hairy is not surprising to anyone, I don't think. Secondly... I mean, the guy loves woolly mammoths?!?!? So much so that he considers himself a "woolly mammoth guy?" Who the fuck says things like that? Especially multimillionaires that are elite athletes to boot. What the hell is wrong with him? The greatest thing about that quote is that I can totally picture it. Can't you see Joe Thornton rounding up Ryane Clowe, Devin Setoguchi and Kent Huskins and excitedly leading them through the Museum of Natural History and then listening with rapt attention as the docent talks about the Mesozoic Era while the other 3 guys check their watches? Why doesn't Thornton speak in cliches and make commercials that show how cool he is instead of talking up woolly mammoths and making ventriloquist commercials? WHY AREN'T YOU LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE????

Joe Thornton is simultaneously the best and worst superstar ever.


Lately I've seen actors from shows that I liked popping up as guest stars or recurring roles in new shows that I'm watching. Jason Dohring (Logan from Veronica Mars (!!!) and Moonlight) is on Ringer as a high school teacher (!!!), Ashton Holmes (Thorn from Nikita) is on Revenge and looks like he's put on 20 pounds and Victor from Dollhouse had a small guest role on Person of Interest. That reminded me of Dichen Lachman (who played Sierra; she's the person in my mood theme) and I looked up what she's doing now. She's apparently in the US version of Being Human now but I'm just not into the premise of that show. Does anyone watch it and love it?

Revenge and Once Upon a Time were picked up for the rest of the season. Revenge is one of the shows that I really look forward to watching every week. It's just fun to see what kind of schemes she comes up with. It's my favourite part of Gossip Girl LOL. American Horror Story was already renewed for S2! :D :D :D I love that show (despite them having mostly dropped the disjoint style that I adored in the pilot) but I can't watch it on the night that airs because I get too creeped out and think there are strange Frankenstein babies and men in rubber suits that are going to ambush me in my house.

I really like Prime Suspect but it's probably going to be cancelled. :( It doesn't quite work on network TV, seems to be more suitable for basic cable. Something in between TNT and AMC, possibly FX? At least it doesn't have some mystery that will be unresolved.

So there are many reasons I love JMFJ (or find him hysterically funny, it's the same thing really): his blind, over-the-top patriotism, the way his brain is 50% consumed by Michigan (the college, not the state), how disturbingly loving and supportive his family is, the fact that he wore a fucking Tigger costume when he was like 13 to be his little brother's wingman on Halloween, his tendency to post ASCII art on the 4th of July and use scrolling marquees for images and colourful text on his blog and generally come across as a 12-year-old from the late '90s on the internet.

But you know what? He's also capable of incredibly insightful hockey analysis. For example, this:
"If you don’t score any goals, you’re not going to win games."
Well said, JMFJ! This is true almost all the time (excluding the case of a 0-0 tie that ends in a shootout)!

(on the game…)
JOHNSON: “If you don’t score any goals, you’re not going to win games. It doesn’t matter how well you play defensively or how well Quickie plays. If we can’t score, we’re not going to win.’’

(on whether the team was uninspired…)
JOHNSON: “No. Everyone here wants to do well. I can’t say anyone is not inspired to play. This is what we do for a living. We want to play hockey and do well, but like I said, if we don’t score, we’re not going to win.’’

(on why the team hasn’t been scoring…)
JOHNSON: “If we had the answers for you, I don’t think we would be in this predicament. Why? I really wish I had a good answer for you. I really don’t. We’ve got a lot of great offensive players in here, a lot of talent. We just, for whatever reason, we’re an offensively challenged team. One goal in three games, that’s pretty tough to win hockey games.’’

(on the lack of scoring opportunities…)
JOHNSON: “It would be one thing if we had glorious opportunity after glorious opportunity, but that’s the trouble because it doesn’t seem like that’s really the case. For whatever reason, we need to try to find a way to be a little more creative, whether it’s kind of — I don’t want to say `taking chances,’ but we have to do something to try to create some offense and score some goals for Quickie.’’


Translation: Terry Murray's system is horrible and stifling and makes me want to cry but I can't actually say that. So I will overload my brain trying to figure out how to say it and just allude to it instead.

They do this ongoing feature on Mayors Manor asking players what they think of their teammates (it's like they're doing fic research on our behalf) and Brad Richardson said a few things about everyone and then launched into a monologue about JMFJ:

Jack's been awesome this year. He was kind of like Brownie, a little bit shy. You had to really go talk to him to get stuff out of him. But, he's really opened up this year. I don't know if it's been stuff like going to the ranch like we did (a team bonding event right before training camp opened), just being together and doing the team things. But, it seems like we've really gelled as a team and he's a lot more involved, being around the guys. It's really good to see. Maybe that's contributed to why he's playing so well too.
So JMFJ was shy for 4 years and came out of his shell this year. Maybe he just hated Brad Richardson for 4 years. He does actually smile shyly at everyone during the games though.

Jonathan Bernier's might be the best so far, though. All he said about JMFJ was that he has a Ferrari now and for Donuts, he said he missed training camp and is rich. Translation: I never talk to those rich fucks. And then he suspected that Dustin Brown is a nerd, talked to him in Europe and confirmed that he's a nerd. But Simon Gagne is great because he's funny and actually understands his jokes. It would help if you tell your other teammates jokes in English!

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a Tusk. A tusk. Well now. God if lee bought home a tusk and expected to put it anywhere in the house, del, I'd probably let him, actually.

I like that he admits he likes odd gifts. I suppose it must have stuck in Patty's head that he said "I'm a woolly mammoth guy." Or something. I don't know, they're both so strange.

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