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The Invincible M.A.E.


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Martian Love
harleymae

Making the Band, Part 2

Well, yet again, you can thank crankygeek for this one, as she reminded me about the Sens parody in frala's post. I've a written a sequel to Making the Band, inspired by true events.

The cast is joined by Daniel Alfredsson and new blood from the Thrashers. :)

RETURNING CAST:

Marian Hossa, Martin Havlat, Antoine Vermette, Jason Spezza and Wade Redden.

NEW CHARACTERS:

Daniel Alfredsson, Ilya Kovalchuk, Marc Savard and Garnet Exelby.

Footnotes with links follow, but here's a summary of all the real life stuff that served as, uhh, "inspiration" for this fic: Alfredsson said on television that he "guaranteed" that the Senators would win the Cup and got a lot of flak for it, Kovalchuk has posed for pictures in a kilt, Kovalchuk was selected #1 and Spezza #2 in the same draft--something Spezza was pretty disappointed with, Savard was suspended for biting Darcy Tucker's glove during a game, Havlat has been suspended on two occasions for kicking Eric Cairns and Hal Gill in the groin. And read part 1 first. :)

This is set during the 05-06 season, just before the first time Marian returned to Ottawa as a Thrasher.


MAKING THE BAND


Part 2


~ Marian Hossa's House, Ottawa ~

~ A policeman approaches Marian's house, followed by Jason Spezza, Antoine Vermette, Wade Redden and Daniel Alfredsson ~
SPEZZA: See? I told you there were lights on in Marian's house!
POLICEMAN: *rings doorbell* This is the police! You're trespassing on private property. Get your ass out here right now!
VERMETTE: *whispers to Wade* I don't think that's proper police protocol.
WADE: So what do you know about police protocol?
VERMETTE: I watch a lot of CSI.
WADE: So what do you know about police protocol?
VERMETTE: *stares at Wade*
POLICEMAN: I'm coming in! *raises leg as if preparing to kick the door in*
~ Footsteps can be heard approaching, and the door opens, revealing Martin Havlat, holding a beer ~
SPEZZA: Marty! What the hell are you doing in Marian's house?
POLICEMAN: Wait, so you know this guy?
ALFREDSSON: Yes, it's okay for him to be here, officer, I guarantee1 it.
SPEZZA, VERMETTE, WADE & MARTY: ALFIE!!!
ALFREDSSON: What?
WADE: You remember that talk we had about you using the G word?
SPEZZA: Like, not using it anymore? At all.
VERMETTE: Ever.
MARTY: Ever.
ALFREDSSON: (dismissively) Oh, yeah, that, right. So why are you here, Marty?
MARTY: Free beer?
~ Everyone rushes into the house, shoving Marty aside in the process ~
POLICEMAN: (to Marty) Can I have your autograph?

~ Several beers later, in Marian's living room ~
ALFREDSSON: Marian's back in town and he'll have a lot to prove, so we have to work hard and stay focused. We can't let him beat us!
VERMETTE: Yeah, he's going to try to prove that it was a mistake to trade him.
ALFREDSSON: Huh?
VERMETTE: Isn't that what you meant?
ALFREDSSON: No, I meant that he's probably mad that I took his place as leader of the band. He'll be trying to show us up with his new band!
VERMETTE: *buries his face in his hands*
ALFREDSSON: But don't worry, guys! I guarantee-
EVERYONE: ALFIE!!!
ALFREDSSON: -I have confidence that we're a better band. After all, we have five people, and he only has four, so it's like we're on the power play, and he's on the penalty kill, so we have the better chance to score.
MARTY: What about short-handed goals? Marian scores a lot of short-handed goals!
ALFREDSSON: (ignoring Marty) We're going to crush them! Everyone knows that all the best pop comes from Sweden--we were the reason for the success of Britney Spears, the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC!
VERMETTE: *mutters* Maybe terrorists should target Sweden instead.
ALFREDSSON: *stands on table triumphantly* We will beat them just like we've beat the Leafs in every game this season!
WADE: But the Leafs always beat us in the playoffs.
SPEZZA: (enthusiastically) Yeah!
EVERYONE: *stares at Spezza*
SPEZZA: Umm, I mean *tries to look upset* yeah.
~ The front door opens, and Marian Hossa comes in, followed by Ilya Kovalchuk (who's wearing a kilt2), Marc Savard and Garnet Exelby ~
HOSSA: What the hell are all of you doing in my house?
SPEZZA: Well, what are you doing here? (sheepishly) In uhh, your house.
HOSSA: Get out of my home!
WADE: Don't you live in Atlanta now?
HOSSA: (narrowing eyes) Well, I must be very lost then, Mr. Smarty Pants. And you! *points at Alfredsson* Get off my table! Usurper!
ALFREDSSON: *steps down* You're never going to beat us, Marian. We're more talented.
HOSSA: Maybe, but we have something you don't! The Black Eyed Peas didn't break out until they added a girl to the band, and that's what we have! A girl! *points at Ilya*
VERMETTE: Umm, Marian? That's not a girl.
HOSSA: What? But she's wearing a skirt! *bends over and peers up Ilya's kilt* Bollocks!
MARTY: Exactly.
ILYA: We are number one! (looking directly at Spezza) All of you are number two or lower.3
SPEZZA: *bursts into tears*
MARTY: That's it! Nobody gets to make Spezza cry except us! *launches himself fiercely at Savard*
SAVARD: Argh! *bites Marty's hand ferociously*4
MARTY: Ouch! *kicks Savard savagely in the bollocks*5
~ Savard collapses to the ground in agony, groaning, and Marty jumps on top of him, then everyone joins the pile, punching and kicking ~
VERMETTE: Sacre bleu! My hair!
WADE: Oh God, I think I lost an eyebrow!
SPEZZA: No, not the face!
MARTY: That's right, run away, you cowards!
~ Hossa and the rest of his band flee from the house, hands over their crotches ~
ALFREDSSON: See? I guaranteed that we'd win!
EVERYONE: ALFIE!!!


1 Daniel Alfredsson got a lot of flak after saying that he guaranteed that Ottawa would win the Cup.
2 Ilya Kovalchuk has posed in a kilt before, presumably for a fashion shoot.
3 Ilya Kovalchuk was selected first in the 2001 draft, and Jason Spezza was selected second.
4 Marc Savard was suspended for one game for biting Darcy Tucker's hand.
5 Martin Havlat has been suspended on two occasions for kicking Eric Cairns and Hal Gill in the groin.


Stay tuned for part 3, where Marty strikes out on his own, pursuing a lucrative solo career in Chicago...

Good thing that joolzie is probably really happy about the obscene, almost pornographic, number of video clips and pictures of Marty during his press conference today in Chicago, or she might get mad! :P

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*dies laughing and saves to memories* Oh god, there was too much good stuff here to single out bits, cause I'd be quoting the whole thing. You totally rock! I can't wait for part three! ;)

*giggle* I'm glad you found it funny! Emery will replace Marty in the band!

I loved it! :D You're awesome. :)

Haha he can be all ghetto fabulous! ;)

...I thought I posted, but it didn't show up. So if you get two comments, sorry!

I loved it! You totally rock! :D

Hee he can be all ghetto fabulous! He can rap or something! *giggles* ;)

Damn, it did post the first time. I don't know why it didn't show up the first time. *pokes LJ* Sorry about that!

*giggle* Yeah, sometimes it takes a while. Alfie thinks that Emery will add "diversity" and bring "street cred" to the band.

LMAO the idea of the words "street cred" coming out of Alfie's mouth crack me up!

But isn't that exactly the kind of thing he'd say, though?? :P

Oh probably. He's dorky like that. ;) It'd still be hella funny, though!

That was a thing of beauty.

Bollocks!

Your icon is socute! :)

I love that word!!!

*giggles madly* you know I adore this! *snickers*

Hehe, thanks for letting me spam!!! *giggle*

oooh thanks for spamming!!!

Instant fb! Hmm, Emery will be an interesting replacement for Marty...

Best. Thing. Ever.

VERMETTE: Umm, Marian? That's not a girl. Number two or lower! The forbidden g-word! ::giggles:: And the Leafy thing, except I can't admit that I giggled about that. Ahem.

Stay tuned for part 3, where Marty strikes out on his own, pursuing a lucrative solo career in Chicago...

Bastard greedy Euros, it's all about the money. :P NICE GOING, MARTY TIMBERLAKE!

*giggle* Spezza luuuuuuuuuurves the Leafs! Muahahahahaha!

*dies* Marty Timberlake!!! That's awesome. He's going to be replaced by Emery, so that should be... interesting. :P

::whistles:: I CAN'T HEAR YOOOOU!

Hahaha, Emery's an excellent replacement. My favourite thing about Ray is that he thinks he's so hardcore, and then he'll gush about . . . Fall Out Boy. Snerk.

That pretty much works out perfectly!

(Deleted comment)
*giggle* It's like his Achilles heel!

MARIAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!


SURPRISE SECRET TWIST ENDING: MARIAN IS KIDNAPPED AND NEVER SEEN AGAIN!!! XP

*giggle* I wasn't going to have Marian be in the next one, but somehow Marian's house has become the focal point of everything.

It's because he really is the centre of everything. ALWAYS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THIS ON MY FLIST.

Oh, my GOD. OH MY GOD. This...reeks of genius. No, really it does. Alfie's guarentees! Ilya's a girl! Marty fights like a girl kicks! Jason cries!

SPEZZA: Well, what are you doing here? (sheepishly) In uhh, your house.
HOSSA: Get out of my home!
WADE: Don't you live in Atlanta now?
HOSSA: (narrowing eyes) Well, I must be very lost then, Mr. Smarty Pants. And you! *points at Alfredsson* Get off my table! Usurper!


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OH MY GOD.

Seriously, this is one of my favourite things EVER. I LOVE THIS. SO MUCH.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me there's going to be more. I cannot WAIT until Ray Emery joins the band. Because you KNOW he's there for the cred, but you also know that he's all into Fallout Boy and bad remixes ("Look guys! I remixed this song! Now it sounds like J-Lo!") And, you know. I still see Chris Neil trying to teach them to dance. Or...walk in a pattern, as the case might be.

Okay, seriously? I personally appoint myself as the enabler who will make you write this fic FOREVER. Or um. You know. Something.

I still see Chris Neil trying to teach them to dance.

Or Ray saying something like "white boys can't dance" and then proving he's just as white as them because he's from Cayuga, not like... some ghetto or something. ;)

HAHAHAHA. Oh man, it's TRUE.

Then again...I bet Christoph Schubert can bust a move; everything he's learned from life, he's learned from David Hasselhoff! I wasn't kidding when I said that he was a German icon!

OMG HASSELHOFF IS FREAKING HILARIOUS ON AMERICA'S GOT TALENT.

Haha, I was dying for you to read it. I was like, "WHERE IS CINDY???"

I'm jotting down ideas for the next part as they're coming to me. Thanks for mentioning Fall Out Boy, because I have the perfect song for him to sing. *grin*

Yay, you're the Royal Enabler!

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