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Petr
harleymae

Candy Days, Part 2

Title: Candy Days
Author: Mae
Rating: R, for language
Characters: Petr Sykora, Andy McDonald, Jason Arnott
Archive: http://tika.bravepages.com/hockey/slash/candy.html
Dedication: almightychrissy, frala, lastcatastrophe, joolzie, and of course, tamiflu. :)
Disclaimer: It's all lies!
Author's Notes: This is set just before Petr got traded from the Ducks to the Rangers and is written from Petr's POV.


Part 2


Mac was sitting near me in the locker room, both of us removing our gear after practice. It had been a good practice; me, Teemu and Mac were developing some good chemistry, and I already knew where Teemu liked to lurk so I could make quick backhand passes to him from behind the net, but Mac was picking up on my tendencies too. I think even Carlyle was happy with the way things went.

As I started to remove my shoulder pads, I noticed that Mac was watching me with a little smile on his face. I raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, and he said, "You're smiling again."

I was a little startled, not because I wasn't aware that I was smiling, but because it sounded like a strange thing to say. Why would he say something like that? Why would he notice something like that?

"You haven't been smiling all that much, not compared to before the lockout." He shrugged a little awkwardly, looking away. "It's nice to see again, that's all."

Of course at this point, I'd stopped smiling because I was feeling self-conscious that he'd been watching me. I forced a chuckle and said, "It was a good practice."

"Yeah, it was," he said, as he took his shirt off. "Maybe this is it, maybe it'll keep going good for the rest of the season."

I looked at him sharply, trying to figure out what he meant by that. It was no secret that Burke was trying to trade me; he'd even held me out of a game against Buffalo, but nothing had come of that. It didn't take a genius to figure out why I was being shopped around--I had only five goals and we were over two months into the season at that point. Was Mac trying to pretend he didn't know or expect it in an attempt to make me feel better or something?

The thing is, part of me wasn't sure that staying there was what I wanted. I was reluctant to go somewhere else; being traded meant that I'd failed there and I was too stubborn and proud to accept that without a fight. But another part of me believed that Anaheim wasn't where I should be anymore. It wasn't the same team from three years before, when we'd quietly gone all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals.

Mac had finished undressing and was making his way to the shower. I'd always felt bad that he hadn't been a part of that run because of his concussion. He'd never even made it to the playoffs before. It felt fucking horrible when we lost - I can't even begin to describe how bad - but at we'd made it there, and it was amazing. He hadn't shared that experience with us, and he deserved to.

*****

Jason didn't try to see me again after I'd left him standing at the end of my driveway, and the phone calls from him stopped, too, so I thought that was it; it was really the end. I felt relieved, free, almost, but I also felt like I'd lost something that I'd never be able to get back. It's not that I thought I'd never be able to fall in love with anyone else, but it wouldn't be like being in love with him. I'd never have the things that made us us again, for the rest of my life, and that really hurt.

And I missed the fucker. Missed his stupid voice, and the way he didn't seem to hear half of what I said on the phone, and repeat back what he'd thought I'd said - something completely nonsensical, like "there's Dutch chandeliers on the lawn" - sounding as if he thought I was insane.

Maybe that was his strategy, to leave me alone so I'd miss him. Maybe he figured that if I missed him enough, I'd answer the phone when he called the next week, and I did, because I was an idiot.

"Hi, Petr," he said quietly.

I sighed. "What do you want?"

"I want to see you." His voice was rough, tired, and his speech was slightly slurred, like he'd been drinking.

"I don't want to see you," I said, trying to keep my tone neutral. I tried to ignore the part of me that was trying to come up with a real answer, because it didn't matter; it shouldn't have mattered.

"I left her. I told her I was leaving her, and I packed a bag and I left." He was dead serious; I could tell that he'd really done it, but at the same time I couldn't believe it. That wasn't what happened. Jason went on "hunting trips" or "fishing trips" or "scuba diving trips" to get away from her for a couple of days. Jason never did things like tell his wife that he was in love with another man, that he was leaving her for him.

But that was what he was telling me he'd done. The words came over the phone one by one as I sat there quietly, picturing him standing on a street somewhere with his bag on his shoulder, looking miserable, and I could see that clearly, but I couldn't picture him saying those things to her. Not the Jason I knew.

"So let me in," he ended, and I thought that was a weird thing to say. Let him in? Let him into my heart? That wasn't the kind of thing he'd say. What then?

"Let you in? What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"I mean let me in," he said, breathing heavily into the phone. "Open your gate."

I sprang to my feet, went over to the window, and looked out onto the street, and there he was, dimly lit by the streetlamp, standing in that same spot where I'd watched him from my rearview mirror, as if he'd never left.

And I think that maybe if he hadn't been standing right there, I wouldn't have given him another chance. I would have told him that it was too late, and that I couldn't be with someone who made me sad almost as much as he made me happy.

But he was standing right there, and I let him in.

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Nobody can resist Jason Arnott's dim-witted charm!!!

*wails*

AS SAD AS HE MAKES ME HAPPY.

I know, I've been crazy with the caps. But that's just so sad. :( I think I already told you this before, but I like this dynamic between the two of them--just the knowledge that they aren't good for each other, but they can't help it because there's just been so much there that they can't just.. not.

Do you ever watch The Office? The US version? In a recent interview, the girl who plays Pam (who is engaged to this.. kinda jerk/doofus) is talking about why she thinks Pam is still engaged to her like high school sweetheart when he doesn't seem to give her what she needs (or be as romantic and perfect for her like her coworker who has a crush on her). And the actress talks about how she imagines this backstory for her character, and how her fiance isn't all bad. That they have this whole history together, and that they do things on the weekends, like he comes over and fixes things around her mom's house while she and her mom go shopping, and that they have bbqs with the fam and she talks to his little cousin, and like, for everything bad, it's just difficult to end things and let things go because they've been through so much and it's not perfect, but livable.

Not that these are similar situations, but I like that neither one (there or here) is easy. It's not terribly clear cut that someone's making a wrong decision (either staying with the fiance or giving Whore another chance). And then Petr being all--"There'll never be an US again" *cries*

I've never watched it, but I've heard about that storyline because they write about it in TV Guide a lot.

Aww, I like that backstory! I like that idea too of ow it's not just their relationship that's affected, but like their lives are intertwined with so many other people, and that just makes it so much tougher.

Being in a relationship for a long time, it's like, even realising that there's someone out there better for you, it's still really hard to make a break, because you still do love the person you're with.

Yay, I'm glad that you appreciated(?) that. :)

Ahhhh, no, how are you so awesome? Oh, Jason, such a retarded puppy that you can't help loving anyways. Siiigh.

*squishes* Dude, but retarded puppy? Wouldn't that make you love him more? Man, every time I see him fiddling with that chinstrap, I melt. And that expression after that Stars/Oilers playoff game with the 12 billion penalties, when he was looking up at the scoreboard trying to figure it out? Priceless! Chip was absolutely hysterical.

One of these days I'll have to get a screenshot of that.

Mmm. And one of those people who never really sees the harm in what they're doing, they just want to be loved so much. Again, retarded puppy. N'aww.

I felt relieved, free, almost, but I also felt like I'd lost something that I'd never be able to get back. It's not that I thought I'd never be able to fall in love with anyone else, but it wouldn't be like being in love with him. I'd never have the things that made us us again, for the rest of my life, and that really hurt.

Yeah, okay, that made me get all teary. And the thing about their phone conversations, which is so just one of those things that's faintly annoying at the time, but makes your heart hurt when it's not there anymore.

I love that Andy is so sweet, and that he let Jason in. I love that no one option seems like the right one (I think I'm cribbing from other comments again, but oh well), and just . . . guh, I love your Petr. Plus your phrasing and choice of words are always so perfect, everything always sounds right and I can see it so clearly . . . ::waves hands, stops gushing:: :)

Aww! *hugs* It's always tough to let go. :( And yeah, people always get all sentimental and stuff, once someone is gone. It's the little things like that that make them special, or something. :)

Eee, thank you so much! *blushes and hides* You are too nice. :)

Oh squeeness, it's being posted for the public!

Andy is like, the sweetest thing ever and....awww Arnott. Like, I have been pulling for Petr and Andy throughout this thing, but I feel so sorry for Jason because.....yeah, maybe you do stupid things sometimes, hurt people, and sometimes you do all you can to make it right and it can't be enough, and that hurts to realize. Poor guy.

I have such long lapses between writing I don't feel comfortable posting until I finish. *giggle*

Dude, IRL he just seems like this wide eyed 12-year-old. I love him. And then he scores 43270470 goals against my team. *shakes fist*

Yeah, it's like, he's genuine, he doesn't mean to string him along or anything. Ahh, I'm glad Whore gets some sympathy. *giggle*

Thanks so much for the fb. :)

Wow. That was really amazing. Like...wow.

I don't think I commented on the first part of this (*facepalm* *feels mean*), but I loved that, too, and I love this continuation.

*worries, but hopes they work it out*

Eee, thank you so much! :D I'm really glad that you like it. *beams*

Umm, well uhh... it gets worse before it gets better?

XD it's very lovely.

*pouts*. as long as there's a happy ending. I hate non-happy endings :(

Hmm... I think it counts as a happy ending. :P

Mmm, beautiful pacing in this. As a huge fan of the former A Line, I'd like to see Jason and Petr end up happy together, but, yeah...

Thank you. :D I have a special place in my heart for them, which is why I can't let go, haha. :)

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