2. The NHL will impose a fine on the pairing of Jiri Fischer and Derian Hatcher for "being too freaking big".
4. Doing what's trendy, every team will adopt a trap system. As a result, a total of 5 goals will be scored during the regular season.
5. While touring SoCal, Sergei Fedorov will run into Enrique Iglesias and the two will engage in a public slap duel. The favorite, Enrique, will win in the 6th round after Sergei throws the fight to take home the betting money.
6. During a long road trip, Teemu Sellane and Paul Kariya will get in a fight and the Avs will go on a 9-game losing streak.
10. Brett Hull will score his 700th one-liner in an interview. Commentators will continue to look at video of how much his stick bends...ewwww.
16. Ray Whitney will ask Derian Hatcher for a piggy back ride. Hatcher agrees under the condition that Ray not tell anyone or "I will kill you!" Whitney will be heard going "Wheeeeeee! Look how tall I am!"